A six-foot flightless bird with a dagger on each foot that could genuinely ruin your afternoon.
Fun fact: Their inner toe claw grows up to 12 centimeters long and can disembowel a human with one kick.
Weighs more than most motorcycles and has absolutely nowhere to be, ever.
Fun fact: A tortoise collected by Charles Darwin in 1835 survived until 2006 at an Australian zoo.